New Year = New Old Me

 

IMG_2429Here we are again – a new year with possibilities waiting to unfold. For many, that means a complete makeover—mind, body, soul. The big three. The holy trinity of guaranteed happiness. An overhaul. And while some will be looking to buy a whole new computer, I’m looking to reboot the one I have back to its factory settings.

It really wasn’t that long ago that I used to know what I was doing. I was by no means perfect, but I had an idea of what I needed not just to survive, but to live. After all, that’s the point, right? I’d like to say this past year was that time, but I have to be honest with myself and admit that it’s been the past few years that I’ve lost sight of my own picture.

Last year was particularly bad. I was hit hard with one of the darkest depressive episodes I’ve ever had. And it lasted a very long time. A combination of life stuff and a full hysterectomy that unleashed a pretty horrific army of hormones or lack of, and I began a spiral that nearly ruined me. (But I did get some good poems out if it).

I won’t get into the particulars, but it was bad enough that I chose to admit myself into the hospital—a decision that would affect my whole family in a way that has caused many problems. 😦 It was a difficult decision for me to make considering the stigma attached to such places. And why is that? Shouldn’t we be applauded for recognizing that we need a break, that we need help?

I’ll write more about my experience in the hospital in another post because I think it’s an important post and doesn’t need to be lost in the middle of another.

Back to my reboot. For me it’s the simple stuff, that I’ve allowed to be swallowed up by the struggles I’m having in other areas of my life. And when I say simple, I mean just that simple, basic.

  1. Eating – it’s something I tend to forget when I’m stressed or depressed. And then when I do eat, it’s usually not the most nutritional. Think pickles and crackers. Honestly, food is never something I’ve really enjoyed like I feel like I’m supposed to. Remnants of my days courting an eating disorder, I’m sure. So even on the days when I would remember to eat, it would make me sick. Like my body wasn’t quite sure what was happening.
  2. Drinking –  let me clarify – drinking water. I had the other covered. I know I must be severely dehydrated. Sometimes I’d go the whole day having only had coffee in the morning, and wine in the evening. Other than water to brush my teeth, I really didn’t have any. Not good. No wonder I’m tired all the time. Oh yeah, you can add pickle juice to that list, because I love me some pickle juice. I’m surprised I haven’t dried up.
  3. Exercise – I always know I’ll feel better. Always. And yet….

So there it is—easy as pie. Right? So it would seem. I want it to be easy. But I know that I’m going to have to dig in and go all Nike on it, and soon. So why is it so hard for me?

I’d love to know if you struggle with some of the same issues. It’s in sharing that we learn. I’ve shared. Now it’s your turn!

Tag! You’re it.

Peace, Ginger

 

D.E.A.R. Universe #2

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Original sketch by Ginger McGee

 

D.E.A.R. Universe,

Here I am again. I figured I should backtrack from my last letter and give credit where credit is due. Yeah, to you, of course, but to the one who introduced me to you, Mike Dooley.

Last week, Thanksgiving week to be exact, I was feeling anything but thankful. You see, there’s a lot going on in my little neck of the words lately. My oldest son has been battling some severe depression and anxiety issues. My youngest is kind of caught in between, and despises school to boot. The two love each other fiercely, but aren’t exactly getting along – eight years is a big age difference.

In addition, husband is perpetually overworked, and I’m perpetually menopausal. I’m sure you can see how this all might add up to a very non-thankful Thanksgiving for me.

Did I mention that I’m on blood pressure medicine that I ran out of and forgot to get refilled? Yep. 161/101. That was my BP the day before Thanksgiving.

Little did I know you were trying to get my attention!

So I grabbed my Kindle, and settled in for a rest. Sign 1: On the front page there was a book recommendation. The Top Ten Things Dead People Want You To Know by the aforementioned Mike Dooley. As a person who has lost someone significant, and loves the whole psychic thing, my interest was piqued.

I had never heard of Mike Dooley. I went to his website and found this about something he started in 1998 Notes From the Universe,

The Notes are brief emails written by “The Universe,” personalized with your name (and occasionally your goals and dreams), designed to remind you that you have, indeed, been given dominion over all things. -Mike Dooley

 

Sign 2: Scrolling further down, I saw a section called “Praise for the Notes”, and there was a photo of Jason Mraz!

“Notes from the Universe remind me I’m a part of something much bigger and that my dreams are constantly being realized. I love them! Thanks Mike!” -Jason Mraz

I love that guy!! He’s one of my favorite singer/songwriters. His album Love is a Four Letter Word helped me through another particularly rough patch of my life. Needless to say, I bought the book and started reading it immediately.

In the introduction something he said resonated with me. Regarding truth, my mom has always told me that when something is true, it will feel true. The truth will carry with it emotions that are almost too big for your human self. Sign 3: So when I read this and got goosebumps, yes, I really did, I knew it to be the truth – my truth. Nothing extremely profound, but it gave me that feeling and made me turn the page.

And it doesn’t matter how you find it, just that you do, and the sooner you do, the greater your peace. The way you’ll know it’s the truth is that it’ll make sense: logically, intellectually, and emotionally which isn’t too often the case given the versions of it that’ve been tossed about in recent millennia. Finding it, you’ll feel liberated, empowered, clear, joyful, loving, your confusion banished. And then suddenly you’ll see its evidence everywhere, even right under your very nose, including your nose itself. -Mike Dooley

I couldn’t put the book down. You definitely had my attention. I highlighted and created notes, and the entire time I had a smile on my face because I knew in my heart that everything I was reading was true.

You see, you knew the way to get me to pay attention was with words – a book. Honestly, I think the book should be required reading. We all deserve to know the truth, although I don’t think we’re all ready. I’ve read similar books that didn’t have the same affect, because I wasn’t ready. But this time, with this book, you were showing me that it was time.

Thank you!!!!!

As I always do when someone, or something stirs a part of my soul, I found Mike on Facebook, and I reached out to him. I hoped that I might get a response, but that’s not why I wrote to him. I just feel it necessary to tell others when they have a profound affect on me. But guess what? Sign 4: He wrote me back!!!!

I could go on and on and on forever, but suffice it to say that, you, my delicious, enthusiastic, ambitious, remarkable Universe, you are incredible. I love the way you work, so mysteriously, through others.

So, go on, get outta here and get your magic on!

Love and kisses,

Ginger, the possibilitarian